Archive for Joshua Close

Diary Of The Dead (2007)

Posted in Horror Review with tags , , , , , , , , on January 8, 2010 by Pass the Popcorn!

Director: George A. Romero

Writer: George A. Romero

Tagline: Shoot the dead.

Plot: A group of young film students run into real-life zombies while filming a horror movie of their own.

Cast: Michelle Morgan – Debra Moynihan

Joshua Close – Jason Creed

Shawn Roberts – Tony Ravello

Amy Ciupak Lalonde – Tracy Thurman

Joe Dinicol – Eliot Stone

Review (spoilers):

This movie is RETARDED.  This 4 words can simply sum up my whole review but I’m kinda bored right now so I’ll tell the whole world why is this movie retarded.  First thing is the tagline. One of the taglines for the movie ( as seen on the poster ) is “Where will you be when the end begins?”. When you have some combination of the words “end” and “beginning” on the movie poster you just know it’s going to suck. I also think that Romero knew that this movie is retarded while he was shooting it. ( oh yeah – we have another tagline which says : “shoot the dead”, it is almost as retarded as the end/beginning one ).

The other retarded thing in this movie are the characters. How so you ask? Because there are so god damn many of them! And none of them is important, none of them dies, they are all just walking piles of cliche shit.  I didn’t remember any of their names or their personal life, they are just so unimportant. So here are our characters:

1. The Geek – you always have to have a geek in sucky movies so he can solve trivial problems which other character can’t because they are retarded. The irony is that he didn’t solve any problem in this movie, he made me a problem because I had to watch him through the whole movie

2. The Old And Wise Man Who In One Point Of The Movie Shares A Little Of His Wisdom To Others – Oh yeah! He had an interesting story to tell us all which I can’t quite remember.  Honestly, who the fuck is this guy? Why is he hanging out with other characters all the time?

3.  A Likeable Main Character Who Is Actually A Dipshit – The name says it all. He is holding the camera all the time and just shooting everyone being killed by zombies and doesn’t help them at all. This ain’t a social satire as someone may think, it’s retarded.

4.  Stupid Sexy Blonde – You can’t have a movie without one, can you? Too bad this one doesn’t die in this movie but simply lefts the rest of the group in a dramatic scene. Retarded isn’t it?

5.  The Main Female Character Who Eventually Finds Her Inner Strength – Blargh.

6. The Badass – Oh yeah! He is only one holding the gun! Beware of the badass!

7. The Mummy – This character is dressed as a mummy and is only seen at the beginning and the end of the film. At the end he is still dressed as a mummy, just like in the beginning. Apparently Romero didn’t want him to change his clothes cuz in the end we couldn’t recognize that he is the mummy playing guy from the beginning.

8. Amish Guy – The best guy in the whole movie, too bad he’s total cameo is like 25 seconds.

There are much more characters which I don’t want to speak about. Mostly those who are here just for few seconds and they dramatically die so we should symphatize with them. Boohooohoooo, a stupid not needed characters who I knew nothing about just died. I’m feeling so sad.

I don’t want to go through the plot because there is no plot, just random wtf situations which don’t make any sense.

For an example:

The Main Female Character Who Eventually Finds Her Inner Strength gets attacked her by her zombified brother in her family house. She panics, shrieks, no one helps her, two guys just tape the whole thing we their cameras until The Old And Wise Man Who In One Point Of The Movie Shares A Little Of His Wisdom To Others shoots a bow into her brother’s head. She can’t stop screaming so she runs down the hallway, opens a door from one room, closes the door than return to the room where she got attacked. Wtf?

Oh yeah, we also have a boring part of the movie where they all group with some badass gangsters or something. In that part is nothing actually happening.

The most revolutionary thing in this movie was the camera taping and you see all the movie through the eyes of the camera. An effect that was also used in movies like Rec and Cloverfield. Too bad that the effect was so retarded in this movie.  There is also one more stupid scene I just have to write here:

The guy is taping with his camera, we see everything through his eyes. Ok.  In front of him there is a guy walking. Suddenly, from nowhere, comes a zombie and attacks the guy in the front. The camera guy is apparently disinterested and apathetic cuz he normally says: watch out.  Result: the guy in gets bitten.  The plot holes in this scene are just huge! Why didn’t the zombie attacked the camera guy first because he was closer to him, why didn’t the camera guy yell out something or why didn’t he helped his friend? Answer to this questions is simple: Because this movie is retarded.

My rating : 3/10… There is nothing more to say I guess.

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